Where do babies come from?

The last school year, my students got to see my belly grow. The great thing about being pregnant and working with kids is that I get to answer all the "Where do babies come from?" questions. During reading groups one day, one of my students asks, "Is it going to hurt when they cut your stomach to get the baby out?" Without thinking, I answered, "No one is going to cut my stomach to get the baby out." Dang it. I just set myself up for this next question. "So how will the baby come out then?" Shit. Ummm, well...
"I know how the baby comes out." One of my students with autism speaks ever so quietly. This is going to be interesting.
"How?"
"Through a secret passageway."
"YES! Through a secret passageway. That's right."
And everyone was satisfied with that explanation. Sometimes it the simplest answers are the best answers.

It's been a while...

I think it's been about a year or so since I've posted anything on this blog! It started out as a homework assignment, and then I thought it would be a good place to jot down all the funny and memorable things that happen at my job from day to day. I know that I have forgotten a lot of things all ready, so I am going to try to keep it up!
I am still teaching students with special needs, and they are still providing me with joy and humor daily. I only hope I can meet their expectations as a teacher.

Just for Fun

Today Randy thought (well, I have no idea what he was thinking, really...) that it would be a good idea to walk over to the chain link fence that borders a main boulevard during recess. Not a problem, I think. He's just checking things out, there's no rule against being near the fence. Randy then drops his pants, facing the boulevard, full frontal. I run over there, hurrying to spare the people on their lunch break. "Um, Randy, do you have to go to the bathroom?" "No." "O.k., um, are you hot?" "No."
End of conversation. He wouldn't utter another word. Just for fun, I guess.

I love that flavor!

Today I had a substitute so I could pull the kids out one by one and test them to see how much they have learned this year. This is always an anxious time - I find out how much my hard work has paid off. In comes C.G., ready to go. I start asking him about letters, and he gives me numbers. Damn! What did I do wrong? What could I have done better? Then he starts licking his hand, then the table. And then he rubs his wet hand on the bottom of his shoe, then licks his hand. All the while I am looking at him, wondering in my own mind where I went wrong...
Mmmmm, shoe bottom. My favorite.

Yes, I am a special ed teacher.

I wore two different shoes to work on Thursday. I didn't even realize it until I was walking down the hall looking at the rain on the ground. Ha! I crack myself up.

Smell my fingers!

This was one of those "What the...?" moments that come along quite frequently during my days in portable land. And the parents say this behavior was learned in my classroom...?
It goes something like this:
"Mary, sit down in your seat please. Mary, it's time to do calendar, and we sit when we do calendar. Mary. Mary, please sit. Ok, Mary, I'm going to count to 3, and then you need to choose, either sit in your seat, or sit outside. 1....2....3..."
The sound of my voice reaching number 3 sends Mary into a screaming, blabbering fit. Her speech impediment reminds me of what I might have sounded like on my 21st birthday after way too many shots of tequila.
"Alright Mary, outside you go." As I take Mary by the wrist, she tries to gnaw my hand off, then her own hand off. Realizing that biting your own wrist kind of hurts, she goes outside with me, screaming and cursing the whole way.

"Mary, you need to get in control of yourself before you go back inside the class."
"I HATE YOU!"
"That's fine, but you still need to calm down before I let you back inside."

"I...hate...you!"

"I...hate...bees!"


What Mary does next blows my mind. I seriously looked around outside to see if anyone else was seeing this, and if they thought it was as hilarious as I thought it was.
Seething mad, she looks at me, jams her hands down the back of her pants, pulls them out, sticks them right in front of her nose, and takes a big, long whiff.

Yes, just like the "superstar" girl Molly Shannon played from Saturday Night Live.

Hey, whatever you have to do to get in control of yourself.

Sharing day

Here we are. Another Friday. Another sharing day. Personally, I love sharing day. It gives my kids a chance to use their expressive language. Ahhh, expressive language. So in comes Ray-Ray, with a HUGE helicopter in hand, beaming because its bigger than any other of my students sharing objects. Up he goes, to the front of the classroom, ready to share his helicopter, but because of his speech delays, he screams out..."Beverybody...listen! This is my cockdockter! I love my cockdockter! I play with it bevery day!"
What could I do but let out a snicker? These are the moments that make my job manageable.