Smell my fingers!

This was one of those "What the...?" moments that come along quite frequently during my days in portable land. And the parents say this behavior was learned in my classroom...?
It goes something like this:
"Mary, sit down in your seat please. Mary, it's time to do calendar, and we sit when we do calendar. Mary. Mary, please sit. Ok, Mary, I'm going to count to 3, and then you need to choose, either sit in your seat, or sit outside. 1....2....3..."
The sound of my voice reaching number 3 sends Mary into a screaming, blabbering fit. Her speech impediment reminds me of what I might have sounded like on my 21st birthday after way too many shots of tequila.
"Alright Mary, outside you go." As I take Mary by the wrist, she tries to gnaw my hand off, then her own hand off. Realizing that biting your own wrist kind of hurts, she goes outside with me, screaming and cursing the whole way.

"Mary, you need to get in control of yourself before you go back inside the class."
"I HATE YOU!"
"That's fine, but you still need to calm down before I let you back inside."

"I...hate...you!"

"I...hate...bees!"


What Mary does next blows my mind. I seriously looked around outside to see if anyone else was seeing this, and if they thought it was as hilarious as I thought it was.
Seething mad, she looks at me, jams her hands down the back of her pants, pulls them out, sticks them right in front of her nose, and takes a big, long whiff.

Yes, just like the "superstar" girl Molly Shannon played from Saturday Night Live.

Hey, whatever you have to do to get in control of yourself.